Beloved to be in Love

Beloved to be in love, what could it possibly mean? No one really knows, suppose you precisely feel it. Comfort ability, Encouragement, Honesty, and communication are things I believe are most important keys to a healthy relationship. Though being too comfortable could be a negative matter as well; To the point where you just lack doing anything productive, which could soon lead to no more encouragement, boringness, and where your state of bliss does a one eighty and causes resentment. No one wants to down their kudos in a relationship by simply not getting “pretty” for you man, or merely just not taking care of yourself in a sense. Women should never stop trying and keep things fresh (Men do consider us thee “emotional” ones) Once we become distressed it causes that vibe along with an unpredictable attitude, that obviously they just don’t “dig”. Keep your cool, with confidence and go with the flow. True love is a discipline that only you can choose to fulfill.

One to lay down sacrifices has their pros and cons. How much would you give or give up too keep
one in the right state of mind? Is it healthy, or absurd? First off it shouldn’t be too difficult, but yes there do come times for discussion and decisions that both should be capable of handling it with patience, and understanding. For some it may be difficult. Starting off the relationship with full trust, no nagging, generous with their “space”, Will keep you around longer where they eventually adore and appreciate you for that. Definitely not smart to render yourself in a relationship to uprightly change a man, they are who they are and you can’t change anybody. Possibly it won’t work out and things might get edgy… it’s time to depart. Caution when you commit your cares too oneself, continuous hesitation too return the favor could be a sign that he’s just not interested, for another situation; just not ready. There’s a reason for everything though, if things don’t go take another route. Take heed when you’re being spoken too, including eye contact and vulnerability. They appreciate being listened to; all we want is for them to be the man. “Life’s a journey, not a destination.”

. . . . .

Rubberband Back Too You.

 

She would say “it’s the smell of his hair, the strength in his back; each moment he appears from this light that keeps me running.” Disposable you may refer to some, but this one; definitely not.  Most would call him charming, contrary to those who think of it as deceitful. Aware of the spark she knew her heart had this intense pressure, and passion. As in, this could be it. Perhaps soon enough she’d be capable of raining her feelings towards him without it coming off with an antic disposition or promiscuous action. With that said, she kept asking herself “When will my time come?” Sat, waiting patiently, in silence. They say “The humble keep quiet” I boggle over the thought of it. So many words to be said and not enough time in day. It’s unbelievable how frantic some individuals get and in order to keep composure, then again; must stay emotionless silent.

. . .

During her time of waiting, she would dread the fact that she would have to be assured by him constantly; for one to know he’s interested. All day long she showers him with love and kindness, and as much understanding possible. Should she not expect too much from a man? Offhanded he seems to be when she tries to accommodate and be that optimism in his life. Up and down he swears that it’s not her, merely she has gone mad. Would he also bring a conspiracy in some shape and form that would cause an outrageous break that neither would want to run into? Should you stay or should you go. Skipping down the windy road with an artificial grin, resulting in his game of cat and mouse, and to deny you disagree is just disrespecting your morals and standards of who your character truly is. When will the time come where enough is enough?

. . .

Like a magnet Point A always ends up back with Point B, even when pulled away for distance. For a heart, shouldn’t it grow fonder when away? She had a difficult time keeping her distance for all the love in her heart for him; although for him to notice, it’s probably the best resolution too just walk away for a while. Do what makes you happy and watch others observe the happiness and light instilled with you.
. . .

Still I wait patiently and waiting. Hoping that the best is yet to come, and the wait shall be worth the while. Giving all of me, presenting him what I could be for him. Nevertheless, one day it will be noticed, all things come in time during the seasons of bliss.

And for the fairy tell happy ending, it is still yet to come.
. . .

Issac and Isaiah

     My Loves; I do believe i failed you, And i apologize for letting you down. The feeling of emptiness, and shame has poured over my heart for you two boys the day april 2nd rolled around. There has been so much pain and hurt through these past two weeks, but you two have changed my outlook on life and things that matter.. It was a scary thing to experience and see but i never regret the pain, only the fact that i have lost you. Not being able to acknowledge the fact that you were on your ways to becoming my two and only <3 Guilty i couldn't for one second here your breath, or even your cries. All i wanted to be was the mother i was destined to be for you, and teach you all the things my mother didn't know how to teach me. I love you guys and you will always be forever in my heart, i think about you everyday i'm able to breathe. I'll be seeing you in heaven.

My twin babies <3

RIP

04/02/12

Real Reality.

     These days of mine go by the same, incredibly unpredictable. I can't figure out if the facts of life are realistic or can i really get that fairytale dream that i have dreamed of for years. It reminds me of the barbie dream house i built as a child. With every perfect detailing of the fine linen, vintage couches, and the beautiful canopy over my California King Size Bed. Perhaps this will turn to reality, Although people may think otherwise. Life is what you make it, and i choose to stay optimistic. "Take time to give thanks for the beauty of today."

    Today, I successfully learned that you can't help someone who don't want to help themselves. However crazy in love he may seem. I don't know what it is about him. As we sit in the car with the music up, I turn my head over and genuinely look at him and see nothing. Despite all our memories, It's just not there anymore. The words are always turning out to be stronger than the actions. Honesty and self respect are very important. So if he is being dishonest why do i chose to stay with him. I feel like I'm slowly dying because i obviously have no self respect to truly let him go. Hating that i know what should be done, but proceed to do nothing about it. Do i think too much? Is there too much thought in how i want things? Only because i feel as if i deserve it. Striving to be the best woman out there and it's just not enough. I've learned to appreciate the little things and what i already have., because yes there is less fortunate than I. I tend to find others complaining about irrelevant things that i would never even think to complain about. All I'm trying to do is find love, honesty, and loyalty. Somehow ending up with all the nuttbags. Being in a state of bliss is what i ultimately long for in this cruel world of ours.

"I still find each day too short, for all the thoughts i want to think and accomplish".

 

     How is it that love can make someone SO crazy? Too foam at the mouth, scream at the top of their lungs. push their "love" up against the wall, and to be unappreciative. It makes me sick that someone i loved so much could become so controlling; control issues, and anger problems. I only wish the best for you, and us. Sweetie, you can't be surprised if it doesn't work. You've done so much damage and I'm trying to walk on with life as if every things okay, but inside are tears and cries. Anxiety has recently been overwhelming me. Help me find help, i don't need you turning it to depression. Struggling seems to be normal in this life of mine, thinking when i became and adult that things would be easier. Well I was wrong, It only got worse.

 

"Living is a challenge; but it's your reaction, that will determine where you go."

-sarah nixon





Falling in the Frame.

Falling in the frame of all these memories that have brought me here, brings me too another point. Why should we let our pasts drag us down? Or have others think foul of us? People don't realize that yes people do change; Sometimes for the worst, and sometimes for the better. Although my past shows a bad picture, i believe it has changed me to become a STRONG brilliant individual who has a lot to say and teach. My passion is to help others and write. I don't want to be prevented to do what i love to do most because my goal is to inspire others and give them a positive perspective on life and that yes everything does happen for a reason. However, we might not agree with these trials and errors in our life time but it will take you somewhere. Seasons may pass and seems like your going no where, but you are. Perhaps its the beginning of a journey that will help you engage in a meaningful dialogue of your own life. Now it's your turn. =]